Do you know what’s common between procrastination and ignoring your emotions?
Both feels good at that point but it haunts you in the longer run.
The same logic can be applied to a lot of things, be it going to the gym or breaking a bad habit. In all of these cases, you tend to follow a pattern of comfort because it feels automated at that point.
However, without a bit of discomfort, We wouldn’t be able to grow or do anything new with your life. And it’s not something new for you either. You are constantly used to breaking old patterns, learning new things and growing in life. It starts with going to school, learning new subjects, new languages, meeting new people. You are already doing it because you know how to do it.
But if I ask you to get over a bad memory or get rid of bad habits, a lot of you would have trouble doing it because you are attached emotionally to it.
Before we jump on to what we can do about it, let’s understand the science behind it.
Most of the things we do in life are automated. It’s purely dependent on our habits and old patterns. This is our brain’s way of making sure it doesn’t have to make efforts in doing the same things. And that’s a great thing. Imagine taking forever to brush your teeth every morning because you never got habituated to it.
However, there is a downside to it as well. When you get habituated to a person or a thing, your brain has a hard time getting replacing it. A lot of people try to get rid of certain memories or bad habits and that’s the biggest mistake they ever can make. I will talk about what they should do in the later part of the article.
When you let your emotions and patterns take decision for you, you would keep circling the same unhealthy relationships, the same mistakes and the same problems even when you did everything you could.
Here’s what you should do instead:
It’s very important to learn how to organize your emotions, understanding where they come from and making a conscious choice of deciding what to do with it. Here are some tips on how you can sort your emotions.
- Keep a tab on your emotions in a day: The first thing you should start off with is making a diary listing the emotions you feel at different intervals of the day. If you wake up stressed and anxious, write it down. If you feel better by lunch, write that down too. Let that continue till the time you sleep.
- Connect the Dots: Continue the activity listed above for a few days. Once you get some time, try to connect the dots between your activity and your emotions. Ask yourself these questions: “Why did I wake up so cranky?” or “What did I do to feel good about it?” “Which activity made me feel stressed?”. Once you find the answers to these questions, you would be able to do things that resonate with your peace.
- Make a list of things that you are worrying about: A lot of times, We are so much caught up in mundane activities that we can’t find time for ourselves. At times like these, a good sound sleep takes a beating. In such cases, write down everything you need to worry about and what you can do about it before you go to sleep. When you do that, every time a negative thought starts breeding in your head, you can remind yourself that it has been taken care of.
- Breath before taking a big decision: A lot of times in the moment of extreme despair, We make a decision that goes on to haunt us for a long time. Things like these should be avoided. The same happens when we are extremely happy. In both of the cases, our decisions are emotionally driven and is biased. Take a deep breath in such cases which give you enough time to think logically about the decision. This is why it happens.
- Be aware of your emotions and where they come from: It’s always so easy to blame others for our problems, for our anger, for our sadness. It’s easy and we keep on doing it because it saves us the cost of introspecting into our own emotions and working on them. Next time, whenever you angry or sad because of someone else, Ask yourself “Is it really their fault or Is it because they said something that triggered me?”. When you ask yourself this question, you would be able to connect the dots to your childhood traumas and triggers. This would help you understand the origin of your emotions and taking better charge of it.
Of course, there are many other things that you should work on to understand your emotions better but these 5 points can help you get a kick start to your endeavor. Because people who grow and succeed in life can identity their emotional patterns and they don’t let their emotions define their life.
Being a certified Emotional Intelligence Trainer, I coach and counsel people of all ages to understand their emotions better and work on them. You can contact me on Whatsapp at +91-7347548858 or e-mail me at firstname.lastname@example.org to get more details.