True Love and Gym has a lot in common. Feeling confused?
Well, They really do! Watch this video to find out how:
You are defined by the things you love.
It sounds perfectly right, Doesn’t it? However, there is another truth we often don’t talk about.
You are also defined by the things you hate.
Take a minute to list down all the things you hate. It could be anything, be it your food choice or a habit or maybe a place. Now think of the decisions you usually make in your life.
Are those decisions highly influenced by the things you hate? Having a hard time thinking about it? I will give you an example.
Can you see a pattern here?
The things you hate plays a very important role in the decisions you make. What about love though?
It turns out that we make a lot of biased decisions in love too just as we do for hatred but hatred brings with it a lot of other negative emotions which clouds our judgment and our decision making and makes us spread the seeds of hatred far along which the world doesn’t need at all.
In my first book “How to unleash your true potential“, I had written a chapter with the title ” Love is the best example of butterfly effect”. I loved that chapter and so did a lot of people. It talks about the power of love and how even the smallest of our actions in favor of love can make this world a much better place.
Sadly, the same goes for hatred too. A single act of hatred can propagate too long to make this world a dark and scary place. Take this for an example.
You are driving to your work on a perfectly beautiful sunny morning, very excited about what’s in store for you and for your plans ahead. All of a sudden, another car brushes by your car and you nearly escape death. The driver of that car without admitting at their car shouts at you and goes rushing by. You are hardly left with any time to react and when you get back to your senses, you shout but in vain, he is long gone. What would that make you feel? It would be a suffocating, annoying and miserable place to be in. Your mood is spoiled and every person you meet on that day gets to face your wrath of negativity too and that in turn spoils the mood of every other person they meet. That creates a chain of hatred.
You see? A single instance of hatred goes a long way to make life inconvenient for so many people. This is what I meant when I said hatred is very similar to love.
If you were in that situation and I would have asked you to love that person for what they did to you and your car, you would probably find a solid reason to hate me.
Forget about love, It’s important to un-hate!
This is why this quote makes a lot of sense. You don’t have to love everyone. In fact, you don’t even have to be kind to everyone, all you need to do is un-hate them.
When you engage yourself in “Un-hate”, All you have to do is find reasons to not hate a person or a thing. You just have to see the situation from a wider perspective which would make it easier for you to do it.
And when you start doing this, you would begin to realize that your decisions, your actions would be much more fair and logical than what it used to be.
The best part of “Un-Hate” is that it hardly takes any effort. You don’t have to do anything at all, it’s simple, it’s easy and it helps you live a much better and happy life.
If you like it, Do share it with your friends and help them “Un-Hate”.
Are you looking for hope? Is it nowhere to be found? Lost in the swirl of darkness and abyss of hopelessness, you feel lost. It’s okay.
Don’t try too hard or the darkness may consume you. Stay still and stay calm. Accept that you are lost and accept that you need a source of light and hope to follow. I agree there is darkness all around but you have to keep walking in your direction with utter calm and confidence. I understand that you feel stuck here and you have lost all hopes of making it out of here. But hold on. After every night, comes a day. It’s not over yet. It’s not over until you decide it for yourself. It’s your life and you get to decide how it’s going to be. You might not see what’s coming next but always remember you are going to make it out.
If you can’t think of anything, just let that thought go, to control your thoughts or to govern it. Just focus on your breath, going in and coming out. Focus on its movement and focus on it going fast and slow. When you begin to focus on your breath, you would feel that sense of calm inside yourself. Let that come to you.
When you are calm, your mind will automatically start functioning normally and looking for solutions you wouldn’t have found otherwise. Just wait for it. Keep walking until you start to see the light. You can see it now. The source of light keeps getting stronger and stronger as you approach it. You have found the hope you have been looking for, you have found the purpose of your journey. It has started to make sense. Maybe, you failed because you had to be here. Maybe, you were confused before only to be held here.
This moment is pure bliss, pure satisfaction. You would feel complete. But don’t take it for the final destination. Because life has a lot more to offer you. Life only broadcasts itself through uncertainties and that’s how beautiful it is. Don’t try to find your way into the future through your expectations, it would always deceive you. Let life move and its pace and understand life through its way. Don’t hurry. Don’t panic. Life reveals itself in its own amazing way and we must be ready to accept it at all costs.
It’s a puzzle where you keep searching for the light and that’s what makes it exciting. Let’s enjoy it as a game. Nothing will harm you if you don’t let it. You are powerful, you are strong. And you would find the light all over again.
What is the first image that comes to your mind when you hear the word “love”?
Is it a couple holding each other under the falling rain?
Or a couple expressing their love intimately?
Or a couple arguing?
It could be anything based on how you have been conditioned. But does all of it define love? Interestingly, No. A lot of things which we perceive as love isn’t “love” after all.
This is what love isn’t:
1 “Feeling”: We have heard this a lot of times. “But I feel for him/her. I know it’s love”. Sadly, It isn’t. What we feel is highly dependent on what we feed our brain. When you think about something/someone obsessively, you tend to feel that you are attached to them. The countless romantic flicks are to be blamed for it as well. That “feeling” isn’t necessarily love, it’s a “need”. You don’t really love that person, you just want them to fill an empty slot that’s inside you.
2. “Beauty”: Another thing that has been glamorized excessively by media is “love at first sight”. There cannot exist anything like that. Yes, you can appreciate someone’s beauty or behavior but isn’t enough to be defined as love. And in fact, it’s the meanest thing you can ever tell anyone. “I fell in love with you at first sight” just means “I don’t care about who you are and what kind of a person you are but I love how you look and I want to date you to boost my ego.” Beauty may play an important role in love but love isn’t always about beauty.
3. “We are so similar”: This may be a very important point in maintaining a good relationship but it doesn’t always qualify for love. In love or in a relationship, it’s very important to understand that it’s a union of two people, two different people with different needs, wants, ideas and choices. There may be a lot of similarities but there would be a lot of differences too. Agreeing on the similar bits is always an easy task to do, the real courage and effort lie in embracing and understanding the differences. So, when a couple says, “We are so similar”, it means they are not ready to let go of the identity they have built for themselves. Love doesn’t care about “I” and “You”, it cares about “us”
4. “Obsession”: It is another important thing that Bollywood has to understand. Love isn’t an obsession. Obsession is mostly the ego talking. Obsession is always driven by insecurity and insecurities are always fed by our ego to make ourselves feel right and special. That can never be love.
5. “Entitlement”: “I am yours and You are mine”. It sounds very romantic to a lot of people but it does more harm than good. The people we fall in love with aren’t our property. They aren’t meant to be owned or commanded. I have seen a lot of couple fight because they tend to disagree on a particular topic. Love is never about entitlement or acceptance. The purpose of love isn’t to make yourself feel good about how you are and superimposing your thoughts and ideas. It’s much more than that.
6. “Expectations”: One of the biggest reasons why people split up is because of expectations. People feel that their partner doesn’t live up to their expectations while most of the times, their partners don’t even have an idea about what the other person expects from them. Love is never about living up to expectations because everyone is different and expecting everyone to act in a way that you believe is right.
This is what love is:
I am here to place my opinion on this idea and it’s okay if you have a varying idea on the same topic. To start with, I would say “No”. I don’t believe in the idea of a soulmate. I don’t believe there is someone out there specially born for you and you are bound to meet and spend your life with them no matter what happens. I believe in the idea of compatibility though. I believe there are a lot of people out there sharing very similar ideas, habits and acts like you and once you meet them, it often feels like you have found the one.
In fact, that’s the most beautiful feeling ever, to find someone worthy of your time; to find someone who can listen to your stories without getting bored; to find someone who is ready to put up with your weirdness. But the primary question still remains unanswered,
“How do we found that person?”
Well, to clear my stance on it, let me just say that I don’t believe in “love at first sight” either. Yes, I do believe you can feel attracted to someone physically or sexually but I wouldn’t really call it love.
Okay, I will end this rant about what I don’t consider love and I will jump to the main agenda. For me, finding love is almost the same thing as finding your passion or finding your job. You can never know what works the best for you until you have found the right one. For some, it takes more time, for some, it happens the first time they try. And unless you know who you are and what you really want, you would end up wandering, looking for that special person in everyone and finding it in no one. For me, the first step towards finding a partner who loves you is finding yourself and loving yourself.
But again, that’s just the first part and any relationship is much more complicated than that. When you enter into any relationship, it opens up a new dimension for ourselves because our ego is so vulnerable when it opens up to someone else. Sometimes, this vulnerability overkills the joy that any relationship brings only because our emotions take over the idea of right and wrong. And that’s the tough spot of any relationship. Most of the relationship ends in this phase because of ego clash and there it is, we lose our interest in love and relationships and we blame love for what it is not.
Here’s the secret to overcoming this hurdle:
Just stay, stay a bit longer. I understand your ego is trying to take over every other emotion but you need to understand how relationships work. A relationship is when two people decide to involve each other in their lives and promise to get along with it. Now, these two people are two different unique beings with their own demands and choices and needs. For it to work, both of the partners need to let go of their ego and meet in the middle, the middle part where it’s no more about my needs and your needs, it’s about our collective needs and our collective choices. Of course, these choices and needs can vary for people but unless both aren’t ready to make some efforts for it, it won’t work out.
And there, I spilled it out. It’s “EFFORT”. A relationship needs a lot of effort to survive. No matter how good looking, however intelligent and however compatible you are, you are going to have rough patches in your relationship and the only it can work out is when you are ready to let go of your ego and work for the collective good.
And that’s the thing about finding your soulmate, It doesn’t matter how and where you find the love of your life, what really matters is if you are ready to make genuine efforts for them and the relationship. And it’s not very hard either. Once you deeply understand the idea of love, you would realize it’s much bigger than righteousness and ego. It’s way above that. It’s beautiful, it elevates you and changes you as a person.
Around 15 years back, there was so much optimism about Internet spreading its legs across every nation. The magical idea that we could share and bring in information from all around the globe was fascinating enough. To add to that glory, it also gave us an hope that people would become more tolerant, acceptive and appreciative of each other once they know about different cultures and ideas.
15 years down the lane, We are grateful to the Internet for many services and glory it has given us. The world is more connected than it was a decade back. We know more about different cultures today and we can literally boast of seeing new places without even setting foot outside our homes. However, not everything happened for “good” as we anticipated.
It seems that the more we try to connect disparate people and thoughts, the more they are bound to clash. Instead of accepting cultures and ideas, people seem to repel it with extreme hatred. Hardening of divisions between different demographics of people, or even in the same demographic is pretty common these days. No one likes to accept or even listen to thoughts different from theirs.
The Internet does this to you in three steps:
Not only does there seem to be more outrage happening in all sectors of society, but as you’ve probably noticed, this outrage seems to be constantly escalating. People are divided today more than ever with zero tolerance for an alternate idea. And the biggest problem about this outrage is that it’s highly addicting. We enjoy feeling a sense of superiority over others. That’s just human nature. We would always enjoy feeling great assuming we are on the right side of the coin never ever thinking how both sides have its own importance.
And then we have the opponent who would always feel as if they are victimized. An endless chain of information means they have enough options to continue feeling so. Their addiction comes in playing the victim game which gives them a sense of usefulness. Another typical human nature. These feelings might give us a pseudo feeling that we are getting a better world, but somehow it keeps getting worse.
The current course of actions is highly saddening and discomforting and the chances of this getting better seem very bleak. However hard it may look like, there could be a way out.
Humans are highly influenced by things they see around them. Unfamiliar things keep getting viral on the Internet for the same reason. And if this is the case, positive psychology may come to the rescue. What if everyone you meet on the Internet greets you and accepts you for what you are? This may sound like a distant possibility but it’s attainable. Let’s just agree how everything in the virtual world is so immature right now. And it makes sense. It has not been here for a long time.
And there is the silver lining. Things will get better eventually. And we all can act as a catalyst here by positive treatment. I have previously talked about how love is the best example of the butterfly effect. Let’s use this principle here too. Treat everyone you meet on the Internet with respect and love. Be open to new ideas and thinking. It’s always good to have a healthy debate where you feel the need to, but hatred has never been an answer to anything.
Doing the maths, If you start being nice to 5 persons in a day, you would have made an impact on those 5 minds. Out of those 5, if even 3 starts doing the same thing, this series of love and tolerance would go on. Your individual effort is enough to change a lot. Don’t wait for others. Start yourself and others will follow. In the end, we would all want to see a happy and prosperous world.