What is the first image that comes to your mind when you hear the word “love”?
Is it a couple holding each other under the falling rain?
Or a couple expressing their love intimately?
Or a couple arguing?
It could be anything based on how you have been conditioned. But does all of it define love? Interestingly, No. A lot of things which we perceive as love isn’t “love” after all.
This is what love isn’t:
1 “Feeling”: We have heard this a lot of times. “But I feel for him/her. I know it’s love”. Sadly, It isn’t. What we feel is highly dependent on what we feed our brain. When you think about something/someone obsessively, you tend to feel that you are attached to them. The countless romantic flicks are to be blamed for it as well. That “feeling” isn’t necessarily love, it’s a “need”. You don’t really love that person, you just want them to fill an empty slot that’s inside you.
2. “Beauty”: Another thing that has been glamorized excessively by media is “love at first sight”. There cannot exist anything like that. Yes, you can appreciate someone’s beauty or behavior but isn’t enough to be defined as love. And in fact, it’s the meanest thing you can ever tell anyone. “I fell in love with you at first sight” just means “I don’t care about who you are and what kind of a person you are but I love how you look and I want to date you to boost my ego.” Beauty may play an important role in love but love isn’t always about beauty.
3. “We are so similar”: This may be a very important point in maintaining a good relationship but it doesn’t always qualify for love. In love or in a relationship, it’s very important to understand that it’s a union of two people, two different people with different needs, wants, ideas and choices. There may be a lot of similarities but there would be a lot of differences too. Agreeing on the similar bits is always an easy task to do, the real courage and effort lie in embracing and understanding the differences. So, when a couple says, “We are so similar”, it means they are not ready to let go of the identity they have built for themselves. Love doesn’t care about “I” and “You”, it cares about “us”
4. “Obsession”: It is another important thing that Bollywood has to understand. Love isn’t an obsession. Obsession is mostly the ego talking. Obsession is always driven by insecurity and insecurities are always fed by our ego to make ourselves feel right and special. That can never be love.
5. “Entitlement”: “I am yours and You are mine”. It sounds very romantic to a lot of people but it does more harm than good. The people we fall in love with aren’t our property. They aren’t meant to be owned or commanded. I have seen a lot of couple fight because they tend to disagree on a particular topic. Love is never about entitlement or acceptance. The purpose of love isn’t to make yourself feel good about how you are and superimposing your thoughts and ideas. It’s much more than that.
6. “Expectations”: One of the biggest reasons why people split up is because of expectations. People feel that their partner doesn’t live up to their expectations while most of the times, their partners don’t even have an idea about what the other person expects from them. Love is never about living up to expectations because everyone is different and expecting everyone to act in a way that you believe is right.
This is what love is:
- Embracing the differences: Love is an understanding that our partner is a different person and are capable of making their own choices and believing in their own ideas. Love chooses to work on the differences rather than fighting over it.
- Choice: Love is a choice that two people make for each other. It doesn’t need jealousy or obsession to take it forward, it drives on choice.
- Love knows efforts and understanding: Love is not always about “the good times”, it’s more about fighting the bad times together. Love means understanding and love means making efforts for each other no matter how big the differences are.
- Love flows both ways: I am not a big fan of “one-sided love” concept. Love has to flow both ways to work as it cannot survive on single-handed efforts.
- Love is beautiful: Not only on the good days, love shows its beauty even on the bad days. Love is beautiful and would forever help you grow and evolve into a better person.