How do you define a good relationship?
There is effort, there is constant communication, there is understanding and most importantly, there is acceptance.
Now, Try imagining your relationship with your emotions.
Is there understanding?
Is there communication?
Is there acceptance?
These three questions might have shown you the light about your relationship with your emotions and to be honest, It’s something we don’t often think about. We have been so much used to flowing with it that we hardly try to understand what do they mean.
Most of us don’t know where do they come from!
Most of us don’t know how long will they last!
Most of us don’t know what to do when they suddenly show up
Most of us don’t know if it’s normal or abnormal.
Considering a stance like this, Don’t you think your relationship with your emotions needs to be improved?
I am glad you agree. In fact, that’s the first and foremost thing that needs to be done in any relationship, understanding that it needs to be worked on.
While we are at it, Let’s talk about how we have reached this stage where nothing seems to work on.
This time, It’s not your fault.
It’s just that we have never been educated about our emotions. We have been taught right from our childhood to give it a blind eye, forget what happened and move on. It stays fine for a few days and then you repeat the cycle till you die.
We are so much used to ignoring our emotions that it feels completely normal to do so but it clearly isn’t. Here are some important tips that can help you have a better relationship with your emotions:
- Don’t run away from your emotions: How do you deal with your emotions? Do you try to keep yourself busy as much as you can? I am sure it helps at that point but it doesn’t really help in solving the issue that troubled you in the first place. When you run away from your emotions by keeping yourself busy, you are basically running away from your problems which would eventually find another way to trouble you. The best way out is to address your emotions and then trying to figure out the cause behind it. This would make sure you work on the core cause which won’t be repeated ever again.
- There are no Good or Bad Emotions: One of the main reasons we try running away from our emotions is because we label them as “good” or “bad”. When we do that, We make sure to disidentify ourselves with it and hence it remains unsolves. It’s very important to understand that there are no good or bad emotions. All emotions serve an important purpose in guiding us on what to do. Yes, Some emotions may feel good and some emotions may feel bad but it doesn’t make the emotions good or bad. All emotions are important and meant to be addressed equally in order for us to react rationally.
- Bad emotions don’t mean you are bad: One of the most prominent things I have seen while counseling people is that they blame themselves for going through certain emotions.
“Oh, I am so stupid for being anxious all the time.”
“I am depressed because I don’t deserve a good life.”
These are some of the few things that I have heard countless times. People identify with their emotions. When they are feeling happy, they feel they are a happy person. When they feel sad, they feel they are a sad person. But it’s so important to know that:
Your emotions at this moment don’t define your entire life
When you start observing your emotions, assessing them, you would begin to see a change in your life and your patterns. The way you deal with your emotions would completely change.
4. Your conditioning dictates a lot of your life but you can work on it: The way you were brought up says a lot about your decisions, your thoughts and in fact the way you use your emotions. Sometimes, because of mental trauma in the past, We end up creating a bias in our mind for a selective emotion. This, however, replicates in our daily life without us noticing and ends up ruining a lot of our decisions and skills. Merely understanding and observing your emotions, your patterns and how you choose to address them can help you reflect on them in a better way.
Just like any other relationship, the relationship with your emotions paves way for better mental health. Don’t be scared of it. Instead, choose to talk to it, understand it and work on it consistently and it will make sure it will keep you at your healthiest.